Saturday, July 25, 2009


....sorta blurry at the moment. I tend to put things off. Unpleasant things like going to the doctor for an exam when I'm not sick, getting my hair cut when I don't feel like being depressed for weeks afterwards, mucking through all my ridiculous scrapbooking supplies. I gotta stop, I'm making myself suicidal.
So we're all aware (some of us more than others) how I feel about growing old. Not just growing old in general...but MY growing old. To hell with the rest of you, you're on your own. For me I always say that I'm going into my old age kicking and screaming. Yeah, kicking until I snap a hip and screaming until my pathetic lungs give out on me which at the rate I'm going should be by next Thursday at the latest.
I always prided myself on my perfect eyesight. Need me to read that street sign a mile away? No problem. Watching a football game and can't quite make out the score...I got it. So, while I still have freakishly good distance eyesight my close up vision is going down the toilet at record breaking speed. My dear friend Elizabeth calls them "aging eyes" I call it a lot of other things but this being somewhat of a "G" rated blog...well, you know what I mean. So I have these reading glasses. I'm not talking one or two pair...oh Lord, no. I have a pair in every room of the house. I have 3 pair at work. I keep one on top of my head and a pair in my purse. I just realized this very second that I don't have a pair in my new car. Excuse me while I go and remedy that.
I'm back.
I'm not really sure what prompted me to make the eye exam appointment especially since I really do need to have a physical exam sometime this decade. Maybe it was because I didn't have to shave my legs for it. Ok, I admit it, that was TOTALLY the reason I allowed myself to go.
My insurance isn't accepted by my ophthalmologist any longer. Crap, and I really like her too. Yeah, I realize the last time I saw her was about 10 years ago but I carry feelings for people a long time, ok? I asked how much it would cost for an exam out of pocket and was told $350. I don't like her that much. Hell, I can't think of too many people I do like for that much money. That's just too expensive, and as I told a friend, your eyesight isn't worth spending tons of money on now is it? so I check out our insurance and discover that it won't cover ophthalmology, just optometry. Do you ever get those two mixed up? I do. I still have to stop and think about it sometimes. Sure, it's usually after a margarita or a mojito or two, but still.
I decide to go see the eye folks at Wal-Mart. "Yes, you have two eyes, and yes, they move simultaneously...most of the time. No, they don't roll up into the top of your head so I think I can say with all my professional medical knowledge that you're a sighted person." That's probably how it's going to go down.

Ok, I was wrong. Completely and totally wrong. The doctor and the receptionist could not have been nicer and she dilated the crap out of my eyes just like the other eye doctor always did but the cool thing about it (depending on your point of view I guess) was that I got to go out and look around at worthless junk in Wal-Mart while I waited for the drops to fully dilate my eyes. Now...tell me you can get that kind of service at an ophthalmologist's office. I think not.

We talk about my options and she advised contact lenses. Acckk...eyeball stuff! I totally HATE anything to do with eyeballs. So much so that I won't even go into how I managed to get out of seeing yiggy eyeball surgery every single day I was in my surgical rotation in nursing school. Let me just say...THAT took talent.

I let her put the contacts in and she didn't even have to tie me to the chair or strap my head down and use toothpicks to keep my eyelids open. I was shocked...shocked I tell you. So I had to have "training" which is something like getting your drivers permit I think. Two people in the waiting room told me it took them over an hour to finish "training" and I began to panic. Oh teriffic...these are intelligent looking people who appear to have use of all 8 fingers and both opposable thumbs. I'll fail the "training". I'll be made a laughing stock. I'll have to pack up my belongings and move to another town...which isn't easy living here in the stinkin' desert, there aren't many towns around.
I'm proud to say that it only took me 20 minutes until I got to sign off on my "training" papers. I didn't get a cake, or a diploma which I thought was kind of sad, considering we were in a Wal-Mart and I happen to know they have those things...but oh well. At least I didn't embarrass myself by having to stay there the rest of the day until closing time.

I'm not sure this is the correct prescription for me. She said it may take some tweaking and in fact I did go back this morning for a new pair and it does seem better but maybe I'm just going to have to give it a little time for my eyes to adjust. My closeup vision is great but things at a distance are a bit blurry and the top of my head feels very different without the glasses resting there. Maybe I can start wearing hats now.

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