Wednesday, April 07, 2010

I've lost my blogging touch

Once again, I have placed all my hopes and dreams on a lilac bush who this year gave me 2 blooms. "heavy sigh for sure" Every day I more and more convince myself that I am NOT "Old McDonald" I don't eat at McDonald's, and I am neither the Farmer in the Dell. what I know about farming skills would fill up a small jelly jar. So much for planting seed and small plants in th yard with love and care. So much for the ridiculous wind that comes and tears at their little leaves and prevents them from standing tall. my watermelon aren't looking so great and I htink my tomattoes are fixing to give up on me. just doesn't seem to be my turn at Farmer of the Year here in the stinkin' desert. I'm still trying though. every night after work I go out with the hose and lovinly look over everything that needs a drink and a little pep talk. my mad photo skills are starting to slip lately cuz I've had waay too much crap dumped on my headh the past week. Figured I needed to get to a doctor since I hadn't seen one in a very long time. In my defense i took care of my mom and dad and then after my dad passed away , I promised my dad that I would take care of mom for the rest of her life. And I meant every word of it. Working two jobs to pay for her prescriptions, co-pays, procedures, hospital visits, ER visits.I hasnt been easy. She's my mother, I can't leave her alone. But I had to go to work to pay for all this stuff and after she god home from the hospital, she was very needy. So I'm doing the best I can and don't pay me much attention tonight because I have finally decided to take an Ambien to see if I can get more than 3 hours sleep all night. I'm a little wonky right now. 'xcuse where was I? Mom is sick I'm trying to care for 2 families with no financial help from anyone. hurtful but expected. These are gorgous poppies. Love them . such beautiful colors. I haven't had the inclination to go out to shoot photos lately.....I honestly would love to do a photo shool but I'm a little preoccupied at the present time. Was feeling like something was stuck in the back of my throat for a few weeks and I couldn't get it out. I was afraid to go for the barium swallow test...was I gonna speeeewwwww it everywhere and still have no results? So I didn't spew....wanted to a few time but kept it together. The results were that there is somethign wrong on my esopagus.. It's 60%narrowed. Could be a cyst/tumor pressing from my spinal cord . could be years of acid reflux causing troulble. So lets get some blood work done and see what esle we go going on. I must point out the the smashing of the boobs was wonderful and we had great results with the girls. The girls are fine!!!!! considering that my mom had breast cancer twice in the same boob...well, I'm glal I didn't follow in her footsteps this time.My crisis seems to be a few liver enzymes are sky high. They aren' sure why right now. Quess theres a possibility that all those years in the hopstial ER and OR have caught up with me and I have Hepatitis C. That's certainly a worry. My cholosterol is sky high. Gonna go to the lab on Friday morning and have a CT Scan of my throat and my abdomen. She's mentioned autoimmune diseases and I'd reater not think about those tonight...or any night. If thre's something wrong with my liver, I dunno what they'll do . I should't be writing on sleepy time medicine.

I'm scared....I'm trying not to worry about it too much because there isn't anything I can do at this point, but man....this is some scary shit...from possibly small gallstones to hepatiis c to liver cancer, to colon cancer, to scleroderma.
sorry i took the sleeping pills before it started typing this. CT scan is friday morning. throat and abdomen. Guess I'd better where my lucky socks for that one, huh? ok time to go, i'm nodding out. I'll let you know how it goes.

1 comment:

Crystal said...

Oh honey, you are on my prayer list. I know you've been overwhelmed for years and I think it's wrong that no one steps up to help you with your mom. Just like TImm's mom though, I was able to look back and have no regrets that I didn't do everything I could an more to be there. Let me know if you need a little help, a shoulder, etc. Please.