Open letter to my kids

All of you know my fear/anger at the prospect of getting old. With that said, this is a conversation I had with my mother yesterday.

Me: So, what's goin' on over there today?

Mom: Oh, not too much. Marilyn (name changed to protect dignity) got banned from the
clubhouse and the pool. I can't stand her anyway so that made my day!

Me: (remembering what a "nice" person my mother can be) What could an old lady do to get
banned from a senior citizen apartment complex pool? (did I really want to know?)

Mom: Oh, she's been told about a hundred times to quit plucking her eyebrows and chin
whiskers in the pool, and management finally had enough. I say "Good Riddance".

Me: chin whiskers?

Mom: uh-huh, AND her eyebrows.

Me: chin whiskers?


I think it was about that time that I felt faint and had to end this stimulating conversation. She did however bring it up again in a later conversation, while I was driving no less. Ick.

I do not want to get old...I do not want to live with a bunch of other old people...I do not want to have chin whiskers...I don't want to be around anyone who does...and I never want to say those two words together again....ever.

So this, my lovely children, is to let you know that if I start showing signs of....you know...you can put me on an iceberg and wave 'adios madre'.

peace,
Mom