Saturday, July 05, 2008

How I spent my 4th of July

Alone. Yep, all alone. Well, I was home with 3 totally wigged out, shaking like a leaf wiener dogs, but still...alone.
I really didn't mind it though. The morning started out good enough. I was just happy to be home and not have to go to work. Best part about that was knowing I was getting holiday pay and I was in my very own kitchen making cupcakes, salsa, brownies, dump cake, and slicing up watermelon. I'm not sure why. Just felt like it I guess. Scott had to go make rounds at the hospital and the kids were nowhere in sight so I knew I would have a few hours to myself. That was pretty much a good time...and then things just seemed to go "eeehhh" after that.
Maybe it was going to the grocery store in the middle of the day when it was well over 100 degrees. That always seems to put me in a fabulous mood. Yeah, that could have been a factor. Rushing to get bags and bags of groceries in a hot car and home before they all turn to sludge is always an adventure.
What I think really put me in a catatonic state was when Scott got home from the hospital and did his usual routine to try and get me to go out to his parents house. Some people down the street from them were having an Open House and we were invited. I did try to explain that just because you're invited to something does not necessarily mean you have to go. Especially when they said, "If you come out to Boulder City, stop on by if you want." But noooo... he hasn't learned in 30 years that when I make my mind up, that's pretty much it. "Well, I'm sure there will be good food there." "no, I don't really want to go. Remember, I haven't slept much at all the past week?" This is true...the smoke from the fires in California have done a number on my asthmatic lungs. Plus, the stress of this new job is weighing very heavily on me. I just wanted to be home and relax. "Well, I'm sure they would like to see you." Bullshit. I doubt they care one way or another. I mean, they're nice people and all, but I barely know them.
So, he went. And I stayed home and attempted to work on some photos and some scrapbook pages. I just couldn't seem to keep my attention focused on anything. It was weird. I thought Jeff was going to stop by to pick up some of the food I made to take back to his house. His friends who have a band were going to play in Jeff's backyard and they were going to have a party. He didn't show up. That's ok, it's not like I told him I was making all this food for him. So, as night approached the popping of fireworks could be heard from time to time. Rusty totally freaked out. The other two were ok as long as they were with me, but poor little Rusty was a basket case. I had to wrap him up in a blanket and hold him close to me. He was shaking, and the terrified look on his sweet little face just broke my heart.
I ended up spending the evening comforting 3 little wiener dogs and watching tv. Not such a bad way to spend an evening. Scott got home and asked me what I wanted to eat for dinner. Uhh, dude, it's 9:00. I had a sandwich. geez. Then he started telling me about this condo that a friend is wanting to sell. He wants me to go look at it with him. I have a few objections about this. First, the friend who originally owned the condo died in there. That kind of freaks me out. Was there for a looonnnggg time before they found him too. Second of all...and here's where the whining, "it's not fair" speech comes in....I feel like I have been a prisoner here in this hellhole piece of the desert for over 20 years. I have said for years that the only time I will pack up my things and move is when we move outta this God-forsaken (is that supposed to have a hyphen?) place. I came here kicking and screaming and I feel like I've done my time. I would give anything to move to Washington or Oregon. Hell, Montana and Idaho look mighty fine to me too!!! But, that's not going to happen. He has a great job, and now I do too. I seriously doubt we will ever move from the stinkin' desert. He's trying to talk me into looking at this condo and I don't want to. I have a two-story home, don't want to move to another one. Oh, I don't know, I'm just feeling a tad bit overwhelmed these days and this hasn't helped me at all. I'm leaving on Monday to go to LA for a genetics convention. I won't be back till the following Monday which is a pretty damn long time to be away from home and NOT be on vacation. Again I will say that I LOVE my boss, LOVE my co-workers, but am scared spitless of the job. The medical part of the job doesn't really scare me, it's the budget, bill paying part of the job for this grant that has me awake all night. Since there is absolutely NO ONE to help me, or train me, I'm trying to figure it all out on my own. It took me 2 weeks to figure out how to write up some travel vouchers for this LA trip and submit them. Yeah, and I have 2 more trips coming up soon for us that I have to do as well. Maybe they'll be a little easier now that I've done one. Look, I don't even balance my checkbook. Haven't for years. I either look online or call the 800 number. "Oh, they say I have this much...that sounds about right." Hey, that's my philosophy. So now I have all this grant money, all the paperwork that goes along with it, and bills to pay, crap to buy, and again I will say....THERE IS NO ONE TO HELP ME!!!! Nobody knows what she did so they can't help me...and it's obvious that she isn't going to come back to help me like she said she would, so I'm drowning.
Oh well, today is another day. Although it's the same as the last few weeks where it's so hot you don't dare go outside and you really have to think about how badly you want to get in the car and go somewhere when you know that when you finish you're going to go back to a car that's hot enough on the inside to bake a Thanksgiving turkey. It seriously is. I do not kid or exaggerate when it comes to Thanksgiving turkeys so there.

The wiener dogs look like they're all on doggy downers today. They didn't sleep well last night so I suppose they'll be crapped out all over the house for the rest of the day. They certainly live well, I'll give them that. Maybe I should join them.


Anonymous said...

I know you will do an amazing job once you get the hang of it. You are one of the smartest people I have ever known and you try to come off like you're dumb.Stop it! You'll be the director of the genetics department in a year trust me.

Anonymous said...

where are you!