She's Home!!!!!

Mom got to come home on her birthday. How cool is that? As we were driving home she said, " I didn't think I'd see this day." awww...bless her little heart.

Now the hard work begins. I have to take her to dialysis tonight at 7:15 and she has the first of 7 doctor appointments Friday at 3. How am I going to do all this and work? Guess that's why I woke up at 1 and then at 2 and by 4:08 I decided to just get up. Too many things on my mind. The entire time she was in the hospital this one "best friend" of hers kept telling me that she would be more than happy to sit with mom during the day and watch over her while I was at work. I must have heard this a hundred times. So... it's 8pm, just got mom settled back in her apartment and I've taken the million prescriptions to WalMart to fill and to get groceries for her. The friend had forgotten to pay her rent and mom's so could I run those checks up to the office for her. Sure...why not. I get back from Wal-Mart and as I'm making mom something to eat and getting her pills ready the friend asked me when someone is going to be over Thursday. Then she asked Kris what time he was coming over. See, the doctor only discharged mom from the hospital with the understanding that she cannot be left alone for awhile. She's too weak and she needs help just getting up from her chair or bed. So, I am going to go in to work at O'dark -thirty today and leave by 2. What else can I do? I know that if I tell Dr. Morris what's going on she will be supportive and tell me to do what I need to do, but it's my boss boss that I'm worried about. Even though the school owes me LOTS of time off in compensation time for the trip I took in August and the one in October, I have so much work to do now to get ready for the trip on January 2. BUT...there are some issues with the department not knowing when they can reimburse me for travel, meaning that I have to foot the bill for everything and who knows when I'll get THAT money back. So, I need to talk to my doc and tell her that if they can't pay for me to go...then I guess I'll be staying here. It took me over a month to get my last reimbursement and I was assured that from now on, it will be longer. Yeah, I want the school to owe me over a thousand dollars for months on end. Phhttt.
So, I'm going to see if it's at all possible to work a little from home. Take care of mom in the mornings and then go in at lunch time and work till 6 or something. I just don't know. Too much to think about right now and I'm just a little overwhelmed at the moment.
I guess my biggest fear is that she won't improve all that much and will not really be able to live alone ever again. Then what do I do? I'm honestly trying so hard not to go there...to think about that, but it's a very real possibility.
It's 5 now...guess I'll go jump in the shower and get ready for a super long day. Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

One Step Forward

It's 10:15 and I am just now getting home and sitting down to a soupy bowl of Minute Rice and butter. I know...eeeww...but I love it.

I truly feel that today was a good day. I went up to the hospital right after work and took some dinner to mom and she actually ate more than 3 bites!!! I was thrilled.

The first thing she said to me was, "Ruth Ann, what did you do? There were all sorts of people in here today to talk to me and take care of me."

Yeah, well, that's a good thing.

I called mom's insurance company and spoke with someone in risk management. Thought they would like to know where their money was going and how crappy their physicians are. Imagine my surprise when her new primary care doc calls me. He tried to tell me how busy the doctors are (poor rich bastards) and I said, "Look buddy, I've been married to a doctor for over 27 years. I'm not impressed. If you're too busy to adequately take care of your patients then maybe you'd best rethink limiting your practice." His phone rang while we were talking and he said to me, "See, I've missed 3 phone calls while I've talked to you. There may have been an emergency." uumm...WHERE do these people come from????????
Me: "Do you think I care? Maybe if you doctors had taken care of her in the first place you wouldn't have to be talking to me right now." He kept saying he wanted me to understand how mom has 6 doctors and it's impossible to expect them all to make rounds at the same time. Yeah, that's exactly what I expect lame ass.

Then I got the Chief of Staff on the phone and she was amazingly friendly and understanding. We had a lengthy conversation and she promised me she was leaving her medical office and going straight to the hospital to get to the bottom of everything. She will call me tomorrow.

The lawyer I contacted returned my call and listened to my whole nightmarish story and in the end he said he thinks we have a case against the rehab hospital. Oh, forgot to mention that when we got the medical records from the rehab hospital they said I took mom out AMA (against medical advice) WHAAAATTTT???? I didn't sign any papers...THEY called the freakin' ambulance....so the lawyer who is also a surgeon told me, "That's falsifying a medical record." So we'll see how all this plays out.

The risk management nurse from the hospital called me again too. She went in and checked on mom twice.

I'm too tired to write anymore tonight. I think it's possible I may actually be able to get some sleep tonight. More later, and hopefully it'll all be good.

What country is this?

If you're looking for a blog entry that is politically correct...better walk away cuz this is not it tonight. I have reached my limit with the lack of proper and adequate health care in this country. I'm convinced that it's not just here in Las Vegas, but throughout the entire United States. Appalling, horrendous, inexcusable health care. Ha, that's a joke, "care".

This is how things have gone since my mother became sick with a cold the first week in November.

1. She calls her doctor to make an appointment because she's coughing and had a cold.
2. She's told her doctor left town without warning (how nice) and some ya-hoo who has never seen my mother calls in a prescription for cough medicine and broad spectrum antibiotics. Well now, that suprises me that they didn't want her to come in to pay her co-pay for 3 minutes of their time...not to mention that it really isn't good medicine to treat something when you don't know what the hell it is that your treating. But, she's old...what do they care.
3. We go to the hospital ER a few days later. She's sick at her stomach and complaining of some chest pain. Personally, I think the cough medicine with Codeine made her sick, that coupled with the antibiotic.
4. Getting a nurse to help out in the ER was fun...I ended up hanging a new IV bag because the other one was empty and I was sick of hearing the alarm go off. Dumb-ass nurse comes in, sees that a new bag had been hung, I say, "I hung it." Never once does he ask me if I have any medical knowledge or does he look to make sure I didn't screw around with the flow. He just said, "Cool. Thanks."
5. She was admitted to the hospital for observation and was repeatedly given the wrong food tray at every meal. She's a diabetic...nuff said.
6. She was transferred to a rehab hospital for a stay of 24-48 hours so they could monitor exactly what she ate, and that her medication was taken properly. She got there at 8pm. 12 hours later my mother had suffered a heart attack, and had been vomitting violently all night and no one came in the room. No doctor was called...no intervention.
7. I found my mother gravely ill in this rehab hospital and had them call 911 to transport her to the hospital.
8. My mother spent the next 13 days in a cardiac intensive care unit. During this time, I had to fight on a daily basis to get the doctors to communicate with the family. They just didn't think it was necessary I suppose. Their idea of seeing my mother consisted of pretty much walking in the room, saying "Hi" and leaving. I truly believe the only reason a few of them even took the time to listen to her heart and lungs was because I was there. How much did they charge her insurance for the less than 2 minutes that they spent in with her?
9. She was there for almost 4 days before I was told by the doctor that she had indeed had a heart attack. Wow...thanks for the update.
10. Still fighting with getting information from the doctors...none of which I can understand. Their accents are so thick it's almost impossible to figure out what the hell they're saying. After 5 days I have to say, "Don't you think we need to give her some IV nutrition? I mean, she hasn't eaten in over a week." Damn, why didn't *I* go to medical school? IV nutrition was started immediately. Geez Louise.
11. She's transferred to an intermediate intensive care unit Friday night.
12. I'm there for almost 5 straight hours yesterday and her nurse didn't come in the room once. I had to go find a nursing assistant to help me locate a bedpan.
13. Yesterday her blood pressure was extremely low...and her heart rate was going from 44 up to 76. Think you might want to lower the dose of blood pressure medication that you're giving her???????? Or do you just want her to completely bottom out?
14. The lab came in during the night and tried to draw blood from her left arm. Umm...she has blood clots in that arm...the sign on her bed says so...unless of course you don't speak or read English which is a huge possibility. I took a Sharpie pen and wrote on her arm, "NO bp (blood pressure) 0r labs on this arm."
15. She has a central line, why would they need to stick her anyway?
16. She finishes lunch today and I'm thinking....hmmm, no one came in to check her blood sugar. So off I go to the nurses station which is directly outside her room. I go straight for the charge nurse, screw looking for her nurse who acts like she does't understand English every time I talked to her today anyway. "Hey...when was the last time anyone checked my mother's blood sugar?" Simple enough question. "Her nurse is with a patient down in x-ray right now." "Yeah, well, her chart is right there, how 'bout YOU taking a look in there for me, ok?" The folded arms and "don't F with me look on my face must have caused her extraordinary nursing skills to kick in because she did just that. Well....what do you know.....they haven't tested her blood sugar since she arrived on the floor.....almost 48 hours.

I had that charge nurse off her ass and in mom's room with the blood testing kit in about .06 seconds. Oh look...it's 410. Normal is up to about 110 or so. Yeah, she's a tad bit high. It's about this time that I think the charge nurse was thinking she was about to poop her pants. I'm telling her to get some insulin and while she's at it, I want to talk to a case manager. This really nice case manager came pronto, and I laid it all out. She's got the charge nurse calling the doctor because there's no order from him for her blood sugar to be tested. He's on the phone, I'm handed the receiver and get this...this is his story. "I'm only on call on the week ends..." that's as far as I let him get. "Look...I don't give a shit if you're on one day, four days or four hours....this is YOUR patient, YOUR responsibility." Well, he agreed, took responsibility, like that changes anything, ordered the insulin and had to listen to me rant and rave for another 3 minutes. SO did everyone else at the nursing station. I also yelled at them...."What's wrong with you people, this is an intensive care unit....get it...INTENSIVE .....CARE. So you know a paitent is insulin dependent and you don't question that a doctor doesn't have orders written?" One of them said, "Well, how long has she been a diabetic?" Ohhh you did NOT just say that to me. "What the hell does that have to do with anything you moron!" "From now on, if she rings that call button, there had better be someone's ass in that room pronto...understood?"

This is like third world medical care. You don't expect this in America. Is it because she's old? That's what I said to the doctor. She may be old and used up to you, but she's my mother. There are people who love her and want her to come home. You're killing her.
This is no way to treat a human being..and what about the poor people who don't have a family member to be there to fight for them? It's inexcusable. What if I hadn't had any medial knowledge at all? My mother is too weak right now to even begin to look out for her own well being. That's what they're supposed to be doing. I can't be there 24 hours a day to make sure they're doing their jobs.

I'm calling the administrator in the morning and they better mark off a huge amount of time for me because they're going to get an earful...and then there will be a letter written as well.

No one should have to go through this. As I told the doctor...it's stressful enough for family members to have a loved one in the hospital. Couple that with little to no communication with the doctors and the lack of nursing care....it's despicable. I'm ashamed of my chosen profession.

Rant over....for now.

Baby Steps

That is exactly how I feel tonight...celebrating the little things my mother accomplished today. This is day 9 in the ICU for her and I honestly have had the thought many times that she probably wouldn't pull through. The nursing care has been the absolute BEST and there have been a few problems with the doctors, like not thinking it's important to talk to family members EVER...but I got that taken care of yesterday :) so it's all good. Today we were able to get to get her to sit in a chair for about an hour and she was able to feed herself a little and to stay awake for quite a long time, and I couldn't be happier! I know she has a long way to go but this was a good day and I'm not going to think about anything but that.
I want to thank all of you who have left comments on my blog, emailed me or called with your friendship and concern for my family. It truly has meant so much to me.
I'm exhausted. I'm not going to go back up to the hospital tonight (maybe) and I am hoping to get a good long sleep tonight. (maybe)

She did have a heart attack, and she is in complete kidney failure and needs to have dialysis, but she's strong and she's coming around. There is still a possibility that her kidney function can return, but if it doesn't we'll deal with that. Now...I just gotta get her home before Thanksgiving so she can make the gravy. Oh, and the hot homemade rolls. hehe.

Rough Times

Things have not been going well around here for the past few days. My mother is in the ICU at the moment. While we're not really sure what happened...she now has an overwhelming infection somewhere and is quite sick. I can only go in to see her for a half an hour at a time and not around the clock. I was lucky this morning and the nurse let me sit in her room for about 5 hours. I left to meet Jeff downstairs and when we came up the "visiting hour police" was doing her job. I understand. It's just hard to go off and leave her. The doctor told me this morning that she is doing a little better. They had to put her on dialysis last night because her kidneys were not working. It's been a nightmare for my poor little mother. So, this picture is for her. It's from our trip and a place she loved. I want her to think about all the beautiful things we saw and get well. I love you, mom.

Election Day

Just more pictures from my trip to the lovely New England states a few weeks ago. I love fall so much. Can't tell, can you?

Today is election day and I am so excited. I truly have not been this excited about a presidential election in...well, probably never. I have such high hopes for what can be. I just hope it all turns out as I hope.

I had to stop at Wal-Mart last night to pick up some medication for my mother. She has a bad cold and cough. She called her doctor's office and I was really surprised that they didn't want to see her, yet they called in a prescription for cough medicine and some antibiotics. I'm not sure I agree with handing out antibiotics like Halloween candy without knowing for sure you are dealing with a bacterial infection, but hey, what do I know? So, I go up to the counter and the cough medication is $40 for a 2 ounce bottle. Huh-uh...it is NOT!! I talked at length with the pharmacist and while I understand she doesn't sit there all alone at night and just decide to jack up the prices of crap willy nilly, I still felt I needed to voice my opinion. I mean, if I hadn't paid for it mom would have never picked it up because she couldn't afford it. Criminy, I should have just tried to buy the crap on the street...I'm sure it would have been much cheaper.

Scott's childhoold friend, his best friend for as long as he can remember, died unexpectedly last week. It was definitely a shock, and my heart breaks for his family, and for my poor husband. Every memory he has from his childhood includes Matt.

I'm rambling...as usual so I guess I should go do something productive. Or not. This post has certainly not gone in the direction I had intended but I can always edit it later. Thank you to everyone who has sent me emails about the photos. I appreciate your comments.

Nuthin' like autumn in New England

I just love this lighthouse. I mean, you can't possibly take a bad picture of this lighthouse if you tried. My mother was so excited to see it..even if it was about 37 degrees outside and the wind was threatening to blow her into the sea if given half a chance. I learned a lot of things on this trip about traveling with a senior citizen.
They go to sleep as soon as you get your suitcases into the hotel/motel room. Seriously...she was out like a light by 8pm every single night. I'm not much of a tv watching person anymore but this past week was definitely the exception. Of course I had the volume turned down so low that I didn't hear a word any of them said, but I'm sure I didn't miss all that much.
The first night after we checked into our room, mom was already asleep when I went into the bathroom to get into my warm jammies and brush my teeth. The exact moment I put the toothbrush into my mouth I saw it...a plastic cup sitting no more than 6 inches from me...with a set of choppers floating around like odd little fish. I almost screamed and gagged myself with the toothbrush at the same time. By about day 4 I was used to them. Kind of. (ick)
It was funny how as soon as people found out I lived in Vegas, they were all excited and talking about friends or family members who have thought about moving to Vegas to escape the brutal winters. I would love to escape the ever so horrible summers to live in New England. Besides, it's so beautiful there and so....not so beautiful here.
It would be weird to live in a place where I would have to check not only my dogs, but myself for ticks...and we don't have fleas here in Vegas so that is a plus. Also, I'm not a fan of hot muggy days and mosquitoes the size of office staplers. Guess there's always a give and take situation where ever you live, right? The ying and yang of it all.
Cookies are ready to come out of the oven..back later.

1453

Yeah, 1,453. That's the number of miles I drove in the past 6 days. It could also quite possibly be the number of photos I took or the airline peanuts that I ate...or the number of times I said, "how beautiful is this?"
I just got back from a fabulous trip to New England and I'm pretty tired. I will add more photos tomorrow when I have a chance to get to the computer without 3 weenie dogs all over me.

Time for a trip

Even if it's a work related trip. I leave tomorrow for yet another clinic in another state. It sucks to be me sometimes. :) Actually, most of the time I feel I have a charmed life. Here's a little story. I'll wait while you go grab a cup of tea, a Pepsi or Dr. Pepper, or even a beer if want. Just bring back some Fritos for me, ok?

So...my mother is a two-time breast cancer survivor. She had a mastectomy almost 2 years ago and for the past 9 months or so has complained about her arm hurting. This is a common complaint among mastectomy patients. Anyway, I won't go into the long drawn out story as to how completely HORRIBLE her surgeon and his office treated my mother...basically saying they had never heard of lymphedema. Whaaaattt? I may not have done any nursing on a med/surg floor in a million years, but sweetheart, please...we saw it all the time. Moving onward...she finally complained so much to them (at my urging) that they ordered a CT Scan of her arm. Afterwards, she is just told "We won't need to see you anymore...we're referring you to the Cancer Institute." Oh...ok. Mind telling me what the findings were before you so kindly kick me out the door? So, we get a copy of the report...doesn't look too promising and I begin to worry. I try not to show it to anyone but it really does appear that my mother may have metastatic lung cancer. We have a pot luck lunch at work and I mention it to a very knowledgable hemotologist and he very bluntly said "Any time you see nodules in the lungs of a patient after breast cancer, it's metastic lung cancer." I'm devastated. How am I going to tell my kids? How am I going to help my mother deal with this? The horrible thoughts that ran through my brain were making me physically sick. I pictured her dying this horrible death and those pictures ran through my head constantly.
Monday was her appointment at the Cancer Institute. I had to go to work in the morning to finish up a few things before this clinic trip. Frankly, I didn't want to go to the doctor with her. I just wanted to run away and not answer my phone or talk to anyone. But I knew she would need me. I knew she was alone and would need my love and support. Hell, I needed some love and support. She got a ride and I met her there. Small talk ensued. All I really wanted to do was scream and run. At the same time I might add. So now they've called her name. My stomach is in about 57 knots. It's at this point that I'm glad I didn't have anything to eat all day. The doctor and nurse practitioner come into the room. Attractive young women who have kind words and nice smiles for us. Moving along with this story, and I'll omit the part where I go off on the medical community for it's lack of caring and compassion. Not this doctor, but mom's surgeon. It turns out she doesn't think it's anything to worry about. It could be scar tissue from her previous radiation therapy, scarring from an old infection, or something else. She's going to run a few more tests when we get back from our trip to New England, but she was a little dumbfounded as to why they wouldn't give us the results of the scan. So...basically....for the past TWO weeks I have been operating under the assumption that my mother had lung cancer. I cannot tell you how relieved I am that she's not. That would be an understatement. I cried tears of relief and poor mom looked at me and thought I was insane. (she probably thinks that a lot anyway) and when I told all of them what I had been going through they almost cried with me. Mom was oblivious to the whole lung cancer thing. She just thought that since she had cancer before it was only natural for them to send her to the cancer institute. Ignorance is bliss....and a little medical knowledge is dangerous.

So...happy times here. I cannot express my gratitude. And not to sound overly dramatic, but I really did think that this trip to New England was going to be "it" if you know what I mean. Sure, we don't know when or how we're going to leave this world, but I'll tell you one thing....I am making damn sure this trip to Maine, Vermont, Massachuetts,Rhode Island and anyplace else she wants to go is going to be her trip of a lifetime. All she wants to do is see lighthouses and fall leaves. She just wants to drive and see vegetable stands on the side of the road...farmhouses and rolling hills. Splashes of colored leaves along the roads and the rocky shores of the Atlantic. I think I can do that.
Can't wait to get back from this work trip so we can go. And yeah, she repacked her bag..again. She's been ready to go for a month now. Bless the heart.

It's Fall....FINALLY

Well, not so much "this" part of the country, but at least it's under 100 degrees during the day now which is a HUGE plus in my book. It's actually pleasant at night which is also good.
I went to the Bellagio yesterday after I dropped Scott off at the airport. (he had to go to a wedding and I wasn't up for it) So, here are my 'early autumn' offerings. I get to see autumn
in all it's glory (I hope) soon when we go to New England. Can't wait to take those pictures.
Isn't he the coolest thing in the forest? I wanted to jump the little guard fence so I could touch him. I wonder if he's rubbery? Oh the stupid things that jump into my mind. Like it really matters.
I rather liked this picture. Just wish I knew where I could buy white pumpkins with the orange in the creases. How cool are those?

And a beautiful tiger lily I saw that just begged to have it's picture taken. I'm really off my game today. I spent all day yesterday running errands and driving all over creation, and today was supposed to be my sit around in my jammies and do a bunch of nothing. Well, if you call two loads of laundry, gutting the refrigerator and cleaning it out, cleaning out the pantry yet AGAIN, and putting up Halloween decorations a bunch of nothing...well then, I don't know what to tell you. Whose idea was it to work 5 days and have 2 off? What kind of idiot was that? I think there should be a happy medium there somewhere like work 3 days one week and 4 the next. Something more evenly distributed I say.
I guess I should finish getting the dusty Halloween stuff out of the garage and figure out where I'm going to put it so I can get the cars back in the garage. Kris help for about 3.2 seconds and then went back upstairs. Betina lost interest about 10 minutes later. I'm all alone in my quest for the festively decorated house. Why do I even bother!!! :)

Fine. I'm going to go crank down the a/c....slip on some big o' socks....sip on mulled apple cider...maybe make some pumpkin cookies and just pretend it's really autumn here in the stinkin' desert. There, that'll show 'em.

Beautiful Things Part I

Paul Newman. I've had a crush on him as long as I can remember. My dad and I loved to watch Cool Hand Luke together every time it was on tv. Those gorgeous blue eyes, and that smirk. I remember one of the first pieces of mail that I received when I went away to college was a postcard of Paul Newman. Of course it was really signed by my dad, but I had a good laugh and my dorm mates thought it was cool. I'm so sad to find out that he's gone. He was one of the most beautiful men I have ever seen.
This is the birthday present Kris made for me. Isn't is fabulous? I can't believe he took the time to draw all this on white paper. Wow. I absolutely love it.
This is my Sara. She was home this weekend and even though we didn't get to spend a lot of time together, I got the chance to take this picture of her and do a little credit card damage while shopping. She's beautiful and I wish she had been able to stay home a little longer.
These are a couple of shots I took the other morning on my way to a meeting at the butt crack of dawn. I was actually putting gas in my car when I noticed what a beautiful sunrise it was and hurriedly drove up to the top of a mesa to get these shots. Gorgeous, huh?
It's been a long weekend. I'm tired and I'm about to shuffle off to bed. We just finished watching the season premier of Dexter...and for some reason I just wasn't in to it like I was last season. There are very few things on tv that I watch anymore....I just get bored. Maybe tonight was just a case of being overly tired. So as I sit here with my eyes at half mast...I think I'll call it a night. Beautiful Things Part II coming soon.

Retrospect

There are a couple of definitions for the word, "retrospect"

1. contemplation of the past; a survey of past time, events, etc.

2. to look back in thought; refer back (often fol. by to): to retrospect to a period in one's youth.

I spent too many hours doing that very thing just the other night. I'm not sure how it all started, but I think it may have been while I was on the computer looking up places to see in Maine. Anyway, from there I ended up using the good vs. evil Google Earth and typed in my grandmother's street address. My grandmother was the cornerstone of my very existence. She was the only completely stable person in my life. I always knew she would be there, I knew she wasn't going to move away to a new place, and I knew there would always be familiar things for me surrounding her. I loved her so much and when she died in the late 1960's, a part of me died as well. Her home was the typical two story home for the time, in an quiet little neighborhood in a small town in Oklahoma. In my eyes as a child, it was a mansion. My "Nanny" grew beautiful flowers and fretted over her garden constantly. There were blankets of purple and yellow crocus in the early spring, moss roses in a black pot by the back gate, roses of every color and variety scattered around the backyard, irises and a peach tree along the driveway, and her favorites, tiger lilys and zinneas in the front yard along the fence that separated her house from the neighbors.
I loved that house. Well, my brother and I were convinced it was haunted and frankly I still believe that, but I loved it just the same. The huge porch with the glider where we would sit and swing for hours on hot summer nights after supper with our jars full of lightning bugs. Where my Nanny would sit and plan out her Sunday school lesson while I would nap.
It was everything a grandmother's house should be and I can close my eyes and tell you every piece of furniture in every room, right down to the pictures on the wall,even though the last time I was in her house was well over 30 years ago.
So, as I was saying, I typed in her address and the new and improved Google Earth soon pointed the way to her house. Why, I was even able to do a "street view" and actually walk down the street and stand directly in front of her house. As my computer generated self started walking, I got excited about seeing her home and as I counted the houses and knew that hers was next, I became a little scared. The other homes didn't look so great. And then, there I was. It didn't look anything like my Nanny's home so I continued to walk With just one more house on the block, I knew I had to back up, that I had passed it. I went back, and just sat at my computer staring at this horrible sight. The garden along the fence is gone, the peach tree and flowers too. The magnolia that my dad planted in the front yard isn't there...and the two tall evergreens were missing as well. There were old lawn chairs in the front yard, a truck in the driveway and the house just looked old and used up. I began to cry. How can this be? This home was so full of life and so beautiful...who let this happen? I looked around at the other homes, the neighbors I had known all my life. The Davis home was in shambles. The cute little front porch where Mrs. Davis used to give me ice cream that had been in her freezer way too long was falling down. Oh but Mrs. Newton's house still looked very regal and freshly painted. Mrs. Newton was a lavender haired little lady who gave piano lessons in her studio which was really a converted garage. I used to sit on the steps of Nanny's house and listen to her students play and wish with all my heart that I could take piano lessons. I never did.
Now I'm left with these disturbing images. No longer does my mind conjure up images of this beautiful flower filled yard and immaculate lawn. I'm trying desperately to bring those images back but it's all too fresh, too painful right now. I wish I had never looked. I wish I could take it back. Now I'm trying to remember who it was who said, "You can never go home again." Guess I'll have to Google that.

3 days post birthday

Awww, look at those eyes. How can I resist them? It's impossible, even when she barks for something like 5 minutes straight every night when I get home. "Ok, I know...I love you too. Please stop barking. Daisy, really, this is getting annoying as hell. DAISY, STOP IT! For the Love of God, stop barking!!!!" But, she's got that adorable little face. My kids think she looks totally depressed and suicidal, but I would rather think she's "pensive". Who am I kidding? This dog is a whack-nut. She barks at her own family and God forbid she hears a doorbell on tv. That really spins her out. But I love her just the same. I dunno what this little vermin is, some sort of groundhog, prairie dog, chipmunk with a glandular problem, rat on steroids, squirrel gone mad....but it's a cute little thing. I especially like that Scott fed it a jalapeno potato chip. Nice goin' there, doc. Poor little thing probably pooped fire for a week. Not to mention that his cholesterol level is a a dangerously high level now and he's been known to hang out at the local 7-11 begging for 'spare chips'.

These pictures have absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact that it's 3 days past my birthday. I did indeed get a new stove. Not the one I truly wanted mind you, but we all knew that was a pipe dream now didn't we? The one I wanted was a double oven little cutie. The uppermost oven was small,like for baking cookies, casseroles, frozen pizzas. That really made my heart go pitty-pat. I mean, think of the energy you would save by not having to heat up a ginormous oven for a pizza? Naturally, the lower oven was a bit smaller because of this, but I think I still could have shoved a good sized Thanksgiving turkey in that sucker no problem. Yeah, well, Scott saw the price tag and *poof* that was the end of that. So, I have your basic stove. Nothing fancy but it works and I'm happy about that.

We went out for dinner for my birthday. The only person missing was Sara and that made me sad. Scott had gotten me a birthday cake from the grocery store and I thought that was so sweet of him. Everybody needs a cake for their birthday, dagnabbit! He also got me this doo-dad from Sony that lets you burn photos or video onto DVD without having to go through a PC. Cool. We have a million VHS tapes of the kids from when they were little and he wants to put them on DVD. Knock yourself out, honey.

So, another birthday has come and gone. They fly by at the speed of light and man, let me tell you, it's starting to get scary. I guess we can talk about scary when I'm celebrating my 90th.
Until then, life is good....and don't sweat the small stuff.

It's happened again

Someone has tried to use our credit card and thankfully, they failed. This happened to us once before, some months ago. We got a call from our credit card company asking if we had tried to take out a cash advance for $500.00. Umm, no. We don't even know the pin number to get a cash advance. Obviously they didn't either. Nipped that one in the bud. Our card was canceled and they had to issue us another one. That was annoying. So tonight I'm sitting here wondering what I'm going to have for my dinner since my loving husband ate and didn't even ask me what I wanted. But I digress. The phone rang and it was our credit card company again and she asked me if I tried to charge $150 to a bike shop somewhere in the UK. Yeah, it's a surprise for Scott's birthday. SURPRISE!!! you have to go over and pick it up. Hey, that's one way of getting to go back to Europe. Once again our credit card company declined the charges and of course, canceled our card. Fabulous. I was hoping that Scott was going to go out this weekend and buy me a new stove for my birthday. Yes, that's right, I want a stove for my birthday. Either that or a Canon 40D camera body. But since I haven't read anything about hell freezing over or the prospect of that happening anytime soon, I pretty much have to settle for the stove. I'm not sure what's wrong with it but it's so annoying. The oven doesn't come on most of the time unless you turn the burners on full blast. And then you have to keep them on because once the oven temp goes down and it should come back on, it just won't. It's probably something fairly easy to fix, but the way our luck goes with repairmen (remember the dryer dude, BO man?) I say just buy a new one. Besides, my kitchen appliances are white now and this one is off white. Tacky, tacky, tacky. I didn't mind not having an oven during the really hot summer months but now that it's starting to cool off at night I really want to bake. Like right now....I'm looking at a recipe for vanilla bean bundt cake. mmmm!! But noooo I can't make it. (like I really need a bundt cake) They should just call them "butt" cake cuz that's right where it ends up.
Well I'm actually taking a scrapbook class tomorrow. I know, I can't believe it myself! It's a really cute Halloween countdown clipboard thingy and I'm pretty jazzed about being all crafty and stuff. With the holidays coming up at the speed of light, I really want to spend this year, the first time in over 5 years that I haven't been working all sorts of weird hours with no days off. I'm planning on taking the week of Christmas off just to be home to bake while listening to Christmas music, watch every Christmas movie ever made, make the wiener dogs wear stupid Santa hats, and just have like the ultimate O Holy Night.
Ever notice how I just sorta jump from one subject to another? I started out talking about credit card fraud, went to new stoves, and then to scrapbooks and Christmas overload. Maybe I have ADD...or ADHD...or WEIRD.

It's time to take my little walk now. Yeah, me, walking. I know, it's just so unheard of. But the other night I was really stressed about something at work and I decided to walk it off and now that it's not a thousand degrees outside I quite enjoyed it. I walked to my kids old elementary school and it brought back such memories. I spent a lot of years at that school. It made me a little sad to think that I probably don't know any of the teachers there anymore. I was a fixture at that school and I should have been picking up a paycheck for crying out loud.

Just in case you were wondering, I had macaroni with tomato sauce for dinner. No, not spaghetti sauce, just plain ol' tomato sauce mixed into macaroni. Mmmm. My dad loved that, and I inherited it from him. To my knowledge Sara is the only one of my kids who likes to eat that too. It's comfort food. Just mix it all together, add a little salt and some pepper and you're good to go. I'm just so easy to please but so much for my Weight Watcher's. Gotta be about 4985 points but it was worth it.

So I'll just end this with a little message to the idiot or idiots who are trying to use our credit card. CUT.....IT.....OUT!!!!! Go get a job and get your own credit card. A bike shop....pphhhtt. How lame is that?

It's Friday!!!!!!

No, this isn't my new dog not that I have a new dog...or the dog of anyone I know. I think I just found the picture on the internet somewhere and liked it so I saved it to my computer here at work. Yes, I am blogging from work! Wanna make something of it? Go ahead, make my day. Sometimes I'm so "tough" I can't stand my own self.

Well, it's the Friday before a long holiday weekend. I cannot tell you how happy that makes me. Plus, just think, that means we only have 4 days to work next week. Unbelievable!! It's like TWO holidays for the price of one. Gotta love that.

Summer is dragging on and on and on around here. Today is supposed to be 109 or a tad bit higher. As long as I can go from my very lovely air-conditioned office to my air-conditioned car to my air-conditioned home it's all good. But, I am sick of it. It's more than getting old. C'mon, I want to think about fall, and fall things, and cool weather and sweaters, and blankets on the bed and sipping hot apple cider. How Martha Stewart is that?

Just mostly rambling today. My mother said something last week that still makes me grin when I think about it. Just a little background history here. My mother is almost 79 years old. She's less than 5 feet tall and definitely has an opinion on everything. My kids and I get a kick out of the fact that she mispronounces things all the time. Like Sara's car for example. She drives a Hyundai. My mother pronounces it "Hi-un-die" Motel and hotel are pronounced with the emphasis on the first syllable. MOtel....HOtel. Cracks us up everytime. Root beer is something like "Rut Beer" So..on with this boring story. We're talking about Ellen DeGeneres getting married and she said, "Well, I'm glad she ended up with that 'Port-e-ah' rather than that Ann HECK." ohhh mom, you are so amusing. Like I'm going to correct her.

3 more hours and then I get to go home. Yeah, it's been that kind of week. I was told on Monday that I had until Friday to finish up something called a "effort report". I've run into about 47 snags and it's not finished yet. I've emailed people, talked to more people on the phone, and am now waiting for the administrator to call or come by. Just so you know and don't rat me out, I'm on my lunch right now. ppphhtt. I now refer to this report not as it's truly called, the "effort report", I call em like I see em. It's the "effin' report" as far as I'm concerned. and yes, I think my mother would be able to pronounce that one without any problems. Love my job, but am really sick of the last minute crises that seem to arise without warning and it's always something I have no clue about because I've never seen it or heard of it due to the fact that I'm new and there wasn't anyone here to train me for my job. Makes things a little stressful to say the least. Right after I got back from our latest work related trip I was called in and told that I had until 3pm that very afternoon to get the credit card statement from the previous person reconciled or every credit card in the entire department was going to be canceled. Whew...talk about some stress!!! My first thought was, "Hey, you know where she's working now, call her up and make HER do it." but, that's not how things work so of course I had to go in and figure it out. Good times, good times. So, in some small way, I saved the department. YEA!

Ok, lunch time is over and I purposely ate here at my desk waiting for a phone call or a person to show up to help me. Guess I'm left with actually getting up and going over to the other side of the building and see if I can find some help in the form of an administrator. Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Oh, plum forgot to talk about Obama and his speech last night. As I watched his speech with my youngest son I had tears in my eyes. I grew up in the south and I know about prejudice and how totally sick and unfounded it is. So as I sat there I told my son, "We're sitting here witnessing history. I can't believe how long it's taken this country to come around and realize that a man is a man, no matter what color his skin or his nationality." I was so very touched that a black man was standing up in front of our nation accepting the nomination for president of the United States. It's about frickin' time!!!!

So, I gotta go.

#27

We had our 27th wedding anniversary last Friday. How is that possible? I can vividly remember all the planning, saving, and crying over all the wedding details. I worked two jobs to pay for all the things I wanted since I knew my parents didn't have the money to give me. No biggie, I was young and in love so working 6 days a week from 4am to 5pm wasn't TOO bad. Who am I kidding....it SUCKED!!!! Naahh, it was fun looking at Bride magazine and fretting over the music I would walk down the aisle to. Little did I know a bridesmaid would call me a week before and say she couldn't afford to come. Oh, ok. You've only known about this wedding for A FREAKING YEAR!!! I even offered to pay half of her way and she said,"noooo, don't be silly. You're paying for my dress, so I'll pay the airfare." Yeah, thanks ol' buddy. THEN, my maid of honor flaked on me 2 days before the wedding. Uh-huh, she did. I was told by a reliable source (her gay roommate who secretly hated her) that she had gained too much weight to fit into the dress. Of course the story I got was that she had suffered a miscarriage a week before and the doctor didn't want her to fly. What????? Yeah, I believed that one. Let's just say that it took me a lot o' years to forgive her for that one...and you know what? I shouldn't have. The girl who was supposed to sing a duet with our friend backed out right before our rehearsal dinner and by this time I just wanted to forget the whole thing. Not to mention that I had offended a dear family friend by not having her daughter as my flower girl. I wanted my niece and after all, it was MY wedding but ppphttt, we all know how that goes. Oh, and when I booked the church for this ginormous wedding it was January...I had no idea that they either didn't have air conditioning or that perhaps it just didn't work all that well cuz let me tell you...it was toasty in August. But, everything worked out fine...like it usually does. It was a beautiful wedding and we partied until the wee hours of the morning. I think. Anyway, these are the earrings Scott gave me. They aren't as big as they look...and Sara, keep your mitts off of 'em. They better be here when I get back from my trip.
Twenty-seven years....whew. We celebrated in a big way as only we can do. Both of us were tired from the ridiculous heat and a fun work week so we went out for dinner and then pretty much called it a night. We're such wild and crazy people don't you know? I mean, really, what else is there to do?

This photo has absolutely nothing to do with weddings or anniversaries....hhmm, maybe it does....stormy??? hmmmm. Naaah, just a cool photo I took from my bosses window at the med school looking towards where we live. It rained and flooded in our area and a 4 year old was struck by lightening around the corner from our house. True. It must have been pretty scary for the poor little dogs who were all alone cuz when Scott and I got home that night, one of them had not only thrown up in our bed....twice...but had pee'd too. That was fun.

I've been up since 3 and it's now almost 6 so I guess I should try to catch a little cat nap before I need to get up and go to work. I'm leaving very early in the morning for another work related trip. Really don't want to go but then I guess most people who travel for work don't want to either. So I'll catch up when I get back next Monday. If somebody wants to bring a casserole or a bucket of chicken over to the house for Scott and the kids while I'm gone....don't. They're big people who can take care of themselves. Sorta kinda.

'Cool' has a price

Oh yes indeedy it do!!! The air-conditioner folks didn't arrive until the next morning which made for a incredibly uncomfortable evening before...but hey, what's a mother to do? So, they actually didn't make it to the house before 1pm which meant it was getting even hotter in the house and I was ready to poke my own eyes out just waiting for them. We had been told it would be a 7-8 hour job and you just hear the sound of a cash register and see dollar signs flying about when they tell you that.

Our house is 20 years old. I'm not sure if it's more like in dog years or something but apparently that's old for a/c units. Ok. He could have said they need to be replaced every 5 years and I wouldn't know the difference. Not my "especi-e-ality" kids. He said the blower was out and that would cost $800 to fix that. HOWEVER, if something else decided to go ka-blewy in the next day, week, month....too bad so sad. So, bottom line was that we opted to have the 4ton unit replaced and hope for the best with the smaller unit (hehe, I said 'unit') cuz it was going to cost $20,000.07 (ok, I made the 7 cent part up) to replace both. I dunno about you guys, but we just don't happen to have that kind of legal tender just sitting around. I mean, Sara may go to grad school. Jeff, Kris and Betina are in college. I'm counting Betina in even though she got a grant and we don't have to pay for her classes, but I just wanted to throw that in cuz I'm proud of her. Anyway, between kids in school, rising gas prices, people living here who actually do NOT want to be on the 99cent diet (eating at McDonald's) three dogs and taking care of my mom...it's just not happening. So....for a mere $12,000.04 (made that up too) we had the 4 ton put in. We'll do the smaller one next year.
But I gotta say...and this is no joke, Sara, you will totally feel the difference when you come home...this new a/c is fabulous. It has not been this cool in our house EVER. EVER!!!! I can actually feel the air coming out of the vents for the first time. How sick is that. We may save enough on our power bill to have the smaller one replaced. So...we're happy little Denton's.
Which is good cuz now we won't be able to go anywhere or do anything for at least 27 years. I'm only sorta kinda kidding. Oh well, vacations and visiting interesting places in the world is highly overrated I guess.
I've had a horrible cough for the past 2 weeks. Lost my voice and everything. It doesn't seem like it's entirely my asthma this time. Not sure what it is but I'm not getting any sleep and I even had to start on Prednisone...which I loathe with all my heart and soul. Scott is pretty angry with me for not going to see a doctor about it. Why do I torture myself so? No clue. I mean, it's not like I have to have a "girl exam" or anything...I just hate going to the doctor.
So...that's pretty much it for today. It's 47million degrees outside, but it's a lovely 75 in my house. aaawwww....$12,000 doesn't seem like all that much right about now.

Post #3,527 on why I hate living here

You've GOT to be freaking kidding me. The blower on our large unit (teehee, I said "unit") has been out for who knows how long. I've tried to tell my genius husband that, "Hey, it's really hot in here" only to hear, "You think it's hot in here, go outside!" Yeah, he's a real riot that one. So, tonight HE said, "Hey, it's really hot in here" and I could have given him the same line he constantly gives me, but I was more original. "Ya think?" I'm all over originality, let me tell you.
So, oblivious man holds his hand up to the vent and....nuthin'. He goes all around the downstairs and it's all the same. He yells upstairs for Kris to check up there and all is fine. So...that means the smaller air conditioning unit is the only one that's basically cooling the entire humongo house. Fabulous. And here I thought I had some bad-ass fever and was going to die at any moment. We're waiting for the "climate control technician" to call back. First of all, where else in the US can you live where every air-conditioning company works 24/7? Only in the stinkin' desert people. I just want to grab the weenie dogs and go check into a hotel. It's sweltering in here so I'm going to keep this short and go sit in the living room where the huge ceiling fans are blowing gale force winds. I may be a divorcee or a widow by the end of the night. Seriously. I'll complain more about him later.

Highlights of last week

I just got back from LA. Orange County to be exact. I was there for an entire week and I am exhausted. I had no idea we would be so busy. More on that in a minute. I just gotta talk about this picture. Ok...I'm on the plane getting ready to head off to California when I see this disgusting "thing" in the aisle right beside me. I have the entire row of seats to myself and across from me is a father and daughter. She's the one who drew my attention to it by screaming, at the top of her lungs I might add, "DADDY!!! WHAT'S THAT ON THE FLOOR???" Of course I had to put down the interesting reading material "How to buckle your safety belt" and have a look. Hmm, that's totally disgusting. Umm, well, there are a couple of babies on board, maybe one of them just lost a little something. But I wasn't smelling anything rank and I definitely have a nose for that sort of "little something." The dad kept telling his daughter that it was a piece of chicken. Yeah, well, there's another reason to go vegetarian. Then his story went from a piece of chicken to a sausage. Criminy, now I'll never be able to eat breakfast meat. It was stepped over no less than 6 times by the flight crew before the senior flight attendant kicked it under the dad's seat. I say she was the senior flight attendant...I don't know that for a fact but she was the only one who had the nerve to take care of the problem and she did so in such a "don't worry, I'll take care of it" kind of attitude. Anyway, this picture is blurry and that's because it was a pretty bumpy flight and I was trying to act like I wasn't taking pictures of dookie on the floor of an airplane. Something tells me I'm never going to grow up.
Now, this is a lot nicer to look at, don't you think? This was one of probably 5 pictures I took the entire trip. I know, I couldn't believe it my own self. Me...the queen of taking 27 pictures of...well, dookie for example and I took 5 pictures on a trip to LA. I spent a week at the Hyatt Regency Hotel in Garden Grove, California for the Williams Syndrome National Convention. It was one of the most wonderful things I think I have done up to now. I met some of the most incredible kids, their families,and adults who have this syndrome. This one family in particular had 3 kids and the youngest had Williams Syndrome. While we were examining this little guy his older brother and sister where trying to keep his mind off of what was going on and just being so kind and gentle to him. Dr. Morris suggested to the parents that this little guy have a "chore" to do at home to teach him responsibility. The parents said that none of the kids had chores and Dr. Morris explained to them why it was so important for him to do this and the older brother just piped up with, "Oh well, if it's for him, I'll do it." That just made my entire day. There were a lot of wonderful, heartwarming stories from that week. Suffice it to say, I am in love with my job. The hours were long and I didn't get out of the hotel much...basically not at all until Scott showed up Friday night. I had to work all day Saturday and Sunday, but we had a few hours to take off and go to the beach.
So, we get home and look at what's happening....wind and rain clouds. I am so in hopes that this monsoon season will bring us a lot of much needed rain. It rained for about 3 minutes and that was it. So much for anticipation. Now it's just muggy and hot. I swear, I just can't win when it comes to the weather around here.
I missed my dogs and they pretty much haven't left my side since I got back. I really hated to go off and leave them to go to work today, but somebody's gotta pay for the Milk Bones.
It's late...I should be sound asleep right now but once again sleep eludes me. I should go read a book and see if that does the trick. If not,there's always a shot of Nyquil waiting for me. :)

How I spent my 4th of July

Alone. Yep, all alone. Well, I was home with 3 totally wigged out, shaking like a leaf wiener dogs, but still...alone.
I really didn't mind it though. The morning started out good enough. I was just happy to be home and not have to go to work. Best part about that was knowing I was getting holiday pay and I was in my very own kitchen making cupcakes, salsa, brownies, dump cake, and slicing up watermelon. I'm not sure why. Just felt like it I guess. Scott had to go make rounds at the hospital and the kids were nowhere in sight so I knew I would have a few hours to myself. That was pretty much a good time...and then things just seemed to go "eeehhh" after that.
Maybe it was going to the grocery store in the middle of the day when it was well over 100 degrees. That always seems to put me in a fabulous mood. Yeah, that could have been a factor. Rushing to get bags and bags of groceries in a hot car and home before they all turn to sludge is always an adventure.
What I think really put me in a catatonic state was when Scott got home from the hospital and did his usual routine to try and get me to go out to his parents house. Some people down the street from them were having an Open House and we were invited. I did try to explain that just because you're invited to something does not necessarily mean you have to go. Especially when they said, "If you come out to Boulder City, stop on by if you want." But noooo... he hasn't learned in 30 years that when I make my mind up, that's pretty much it. "Well, I'm sure there will be good food there." "no, I don't really want to go. Remember, I haven't slept much at all the past week?" This is true...the smoke from the fires in California have done a number on my asthmatic lungs. Plus, the stress of this new job is weighing very heavily on me. I just wanted to be home and relax. "Well, I'm sure they would like to see you." Bullshit. I doubt they care one way or another. I mean, they're nice people and all, but I barely know them.
So, he went. And I stayed home and attempted to work on some photos and some scrapbook pages. I just couldn't seem to keep my attention focused on anything. It was weird. I thought Jeff was going to stop by to pick up some of the food I made to take back to his house. His friends who have a band were going to play in Jeff's backyard and they were going to have a party. He didn't show up. That's ok, it's not like I told him I was making all this food for him. So, as night approached the popping of fireworks could be heard from time to time. Rusty totally freaked out. The other two were ok as long as they were with me, but poor little Rusty was a basket case. I had to wrap him up in a blanket and hold him close to me. He was shaking, and the terrified look on his sweet little face just broke my heart.
I ended up spending the evening comforting 3 little wiener dogs and watching tv. Not such a bad way to spend an evening. Scott got home and asked me what I wanted to eat for dinner. Uhh, dude, it's 9:00. I had a sandwich. geez. Then he started telling me about this condo that a friend is wanting to sell. He wants me to go look at it with him. I have a few objections about this. First, the friend who originally owned the condo died in there. That kind of freaks me out. Was there for a looonnnggg time before they found him too. Second of all...and here's where the whining, "it's not fair" speech comes in....I feel like I have been a prisoner here in this hellhole piece of the desert for over 20 years. I have said for years that the only time I will pack up my things and move is when we move outta this God-forsaken (is that supposed to have a hyphen?) place. I came here kicking and screaming and I feel like I've done my time. I would give anything to move to Washington or Oregon. Hell, Montana and Idaho look mighty fine to me too!!! But, that's not going to happen. He has a great job, and now I do too. I seriously doubt we will ever move from the stinkin' desert. He's trying to talk me into looking at this condo and I don't want to. I have a two-story home, don't want to move to another one. Oh, I don't know, I'm just feeling a tad bit overwhelmed these days and this hasn't helped me at all. I'm leaving on Monday to go to LA for a genetics convention. I won't be back till the following Monday which is a pretty damn long time to be away from home and NOT be on vacation. Again I will say that I LOVE my boss, LOVE my co-workers, but am scared spitless of the job. The medical part of the job doesn't really scare me, it's the budget, bill paying part of the job for this grant that has me awake all night. Since there is absolutely NO ONE to help me, or train me, I'm trying to figure it all out on my own. It took me 2 weeks to figure out how to write up some travel vouchers for this LA trip and submit them. Yeah, and I have 2 more trips coming up soon for us that I have to do as well. Maybe they'll be a little easier now that I've done one. Look, I don't even balance my checkbook. Haven't for years. I either look online or call the 800 number. "Oh, they say I have this much...that sounds about right." Hey, that's my philosophy. So now I have all this grant money, all the paperwork that goes along with it, and bills to pay, crap to buy, and again I will say....THERE IS NO ONE TO HELP ME!!!! Nobody knows what she did so they can't help me...and it's obvious that she isn't going to come back to help me like she said she would, so I'm drowning.
Oh well, today is another day. Although it's the same as the last few weeks where it's so hot you don't dare go outside and you really have to think about how badly you want to get in the car and go somewhere when you know that when you finish you're going to go back to a car that's hot enough on the inside to bake a Thanksgiving turkey. It seriously is. I do not kid or exaggerate when it comes to Thanksgiving turkeys so there.

The wiener dogs look like they're all on doggy downers today. They didn't sleep well last night so I suppose they'll be crapped out all over the house for the rest of the day. They certainly live well, I'll give them that. Maybe I should join them.