life is just so funny...but I'm not laughing

This is a close up of my right upper arm. Lovely, isn't it? Tuesday I was getting out of my car and just slightly ran into the car door. It didn't hurt all that bad, not writhing on the ground screaming in agony but within 2 hours I had this horrible knot and a ginormous bruise coming up. Now it hurts...in a big way and has swollen so much I look like a body builder. Well, maybe not but it's bigger than normal lets just say that.

I had a very nice day off on Wednesday until about 8pm. That's when everything seriously went down hill. Like the fool that I am I made a double batch of chex mix and munched on it off and on all day. I started feeling a little sick but just sort of passed it off as being overly tired from all the long hours at the clinic and too much chex mix. I tried to preoccupy myself with thoughts of all the 'homey' fun things I was going to do on this long extended weekend I was taking. Yeah, well, that has all changed. I'll spare the fun details but I will say that I was sick all night long and well into the next morning. Didn't stop until about 9am yesterday. Oh what a fun night I had. So I spent the entire day...and evening, in bed recovering. What a waste of a good day. I'm feeling better today, a little shaky and I have the headache from hell but I'm sure I'm going to live now so that's good.
No....I don't have swine flu. That starts out with a cough, and other respiratory symptoms. I just had stomach flu.
So today is just staying at home. It's so hot out and I don't feel like going out shopping or anything so I'm going to relax on the couch and watch a few movies. I have already watched "Flatliners" this morning. What a stupid movie. But it was fun to see a young Kevin Bacon, Julia Roberts and Keifer Sutherland. Not much more I can say about that. I can't believe the crap they have on cable tv...and then have the nerve to charge a ridiculous amount for it. HBO, Showtime, they're all the same. Maybe that's why I don't really watch tv much anymore. But, on days like this, it's a nice comfort so I'll stop complaining.

A Day Off

ya see these? they will soon be plump, juicy, sweet grapes. I don't have a grapevine in my yard

per se... I just make sure the vines from the somewhat skeetchy neighbors over our back wall make it into our yard. I mean, it's only fair. They never pick them anyway so why shouldn't we have the chance to enjoy them? Looks like this is going to be a good grape year. Last year...mmmhhh, not so much. **edited to note that I realize now I forgot to rotate the picture of the hanging grapes... grapes do not grow sideways in Nevada.**

So, I'm home today taking pictures of baby grapes. Why may you ask am I not at work slaving away? Because I worked 9 straight days in a row until 7-8pm every night and I just decided that I needed a break today. Our Williams Syndrome Clinic was a success and I had the opportunity to meet some really great families. Sara and Betina came along to help play with the kids and I think Sara has fallen in love with a few of the kids.

Anyway, I feel like hammered dog dookie today and I plan on:

A. going to the bank

B. going to the grocery store

C. nothing else

I like my plan. In fact I am totally in love with my plan and wish I could utilize this very plan more often. But until such time that I can, I will just enjoy the moment and be happy for it. :::birds chirping, angels singing:::::

It's supposed to be almost 100 degrees today....ugh. I know I should be used to this but I just can't seem to embrace the 'hotness', the total and complete agony which is Las Vegas in the summer. Yeah, I know, it's technically still spring but somehow 100 degrees in early May and the knowledge that it ain't gonna get any better until October sounds like summer to me. bleecch....freakin' hate it.

ok, I'm off to do my chores for the day and then it's home again to do nuffin. Although, I just may make another Snapfish or Shutterfly photo book. I made one for my mom for Mother's day and it turned out gorgeous. I should be getting one in the mail any day now of one I made for myself which is a ton of my favorite pictures. I think sometimes that I may never go back to making scrapbooks again. These books are so simple and easy to do, and you can add text to them if you want. Great...another craft crap item to add to my list....online photo books.

Enjoy the day and I assure you I will do the same!

Patsy is Fabulous!!!

I have this super dear friend, Patsy, who is truly more like my sister than a friend. She is one of the smartest, kindest, funniest, loving heart I have ever known. We have been friends for many years and my kids and I lovingly refer to her as Dr. Doolittle because she knows sooo much about animals. Bless her heart, she's had to comfort me many times over doggie issues...or my mom's bird...or Kristopher's turles. She's the best and she just proved it once again by fixing my blog. Patz...you know I love you to pieces, and thanks for bailing my sorry ass out again.

well, shit

I'm about ready to throw my laptop in the toilet. I cannot for the life of me get this background stuff to work right. I'll PayPal someone $15 if they can fix it and keep me from having a meltdown. I'm serious. It was a quest and now I give up!!!!

The way it was

(bad photo..yes, I know) Are these just about the cutest, weirdest little things you've ever seen? they're basically cake on a stick. How, you may ask, do you get cake to stay together on a stick without falling off? It's magic...it's an illusion. Nahhh...not really. You make a cake, crumble it up in a bowl, add some cream cheese frosting, smush it all together and mold it into the shape you want. Then you dip them in melted chocolate and then decorate. They're just too damned cute. Betina and I enjoyed a fun afternoon of creative cake ball making.
The day started off with a forced cleaning of the refrigerator and freezer in the kitchen. The fridge in the garage went Ka-blooey for good so it was crunch time to get everything inside the house before it was too late. Some things just didn't make the cut...those foil wrapped packets of "mystery meat" from 1947 had to go...as did the Inspector Gadget popscicles from 15 years ago.

Speaking of mystery meat...today one of my co-workers offered me a taco that she had for lunch. I really didn't want it but I felt it would be rude to refuse it. It looked good, shreded meat, cilantro, onions, tomatoes, lime juice all in a homemade tortilla. I took a bite and that's when she decided to tell me that it was lamb. Uh, yeah. I realized that after the second chew. So, once again not wanting to be rude I finished eating the rest. Oh I might as well be honest, I was trapped in a room with no trash can. After gagging it down, er, finishing, she THEN decides to tell me that her mom and dad got the meat over the weekend from a street vendor in Mexico. Whaaaa??? You have GOT to be kidding me. I may not live to see the light of day. I've already kissed my children farewell, called my mother and thanked her for giving me life, and told Scott where to find my will. He already knew that but I had to be dramatic about it anyway. I think I'm going to go spend my last hours with my wiener dogs. Farewell...

Guilty Pleasures

The wind has blown half of Las Vegas into our yard tonight. Tell me again why we live here????
Other than that, it's been a pretty nice, relaxing weekend. I didn't get out of my jammies all day let alone even brush my hair. I know, shocking huh?

My husband is so sweet. While I was cleaning up my baking mess in the kitchen, he turned on 'Mad Max' for me. He knows Mel Gibson was my boyfriend at one time. That is before he turned into an old alcohol swizzling, anti-semetic dork.
Anyway, this is my list of guilty pleasures for this weekend. Keep in mind, I'm pretty low maintainence. (just keeping it real)

Spending most of Saturday morning with my mom...doing a little shopping and then out to lunch before she had to go to dialysis.

Repotting new tomato plants and flowers.

Buying gorgeous cut flowers to enjoy inside our home. Daffidils, tulips, and even a couple of sprigs of lilacs from my front yard.

Having my oldest son come over for a few hours.

Getting take out.

Spending the entire day being lazy today. Well, I cleaned the pantry and the fridge, but that was it.

Making and decorating cupcakes.

Making chocolate peanut butter cookies.

Sitting on the couch with my feet up watching the funniest guy ever, Jim Gaffigan and having hubby make and bring me dinner. :)

Being grateful for all of the above.

Allergies

Tis a lovely allergy day here in the stinkin' desert...the wind is blowing a million miles per hour and the pollen has been sand blasted into my nasal cavity. Life is good. Zyrtec helps, but not if you have to go to work and actually sit up. I do believe I still have part of the keyboard impression on the right side of my face. So I had to choose...take the medication,but nod off at totally inappropriate times at work, like while talking to the boss or waiting for a fax to come through.....or not take the medication and sneeze every 4.3 seconds, look as though I have been crying for a solid month, and used snot rags all over my office. Tough choice I'll tell ya that right now. Today has been no medication. I'm a box of Kleenex away from calling it a day and going home.

Some things never change...

or, I never learn. I saw my lovely daughter over the weekend and we had this fabulous 'mother/daughter get your hair done' sort of day planned. You know, a day full of girl stuff, shopping, hair dooin, eating, and a little more shopping. So Sara receives a text message from the stylist who is supposed to be doing my hair saying she's on her way to the hospital she thinks she has apendicitis. Yikes. Far be it for me to tell her, "Hey...I don't give a flying hurang if your pancreas is falling out...I WANT MY HAIR DONE!!" That would just be rude and I'm all about etiquette, baby. Sara knows I'm about to flip right out because I'm looking a little shaggy and I NEED a haircut. (think Joauqin Phoenix...without the beard) I'm pawned off on someone else and we're thinking all is right with the world.
I get there, talk to the stylist for a few minutes...you know, I like my natural blonde but some red might be cool...sure, a little brown is fine with me too. She's slower than molasses in January and I equate that with "she's doing a damn fine job with those paint brush thingys and enough aluminum foil to transmit gamma rays to far off galaxies." HA...this is ME we're talking about, remember???? I NEVER get a good color or haircut.
I think my brain must have known that I couldn't handle another traumatic hair disaster and therefore I was on some sort of animal survival instinct and closed my eyes vowing not to open them until she was finished.

When a stylist doesn't offer to give you a mirror to see the back of your head...you know things have gone horribly wrong. I don't know this for a fact because I have refused to look at the back since I know the front is so hideous. I look like a cross between a leopard and Pepe la Pew. Yeah...fantastic. And that's just the color. The "style" ppphhtt....I'm not sure what she was thinking in that department.

Knowing that my daughter is friends with most of the people who work there and I don't want to make things uncomfortable for her (isn't that just like me to think of others even when I'm about to have someone video me and plaster my hideousness on You Tube) I just kind of go, "Oh yeah, it's nice." Nice if the look you were going for was FREAK OF NATURE!!!!

Sara's stylist called her and said my Stevie Wonder of the hair styling world would re-do my hair for free. Yeah, well, thanks but no thanks. I mean, if that was her best work....I can't even finish that sentence.

No, it's not just me who thinks everything about my hair qualifies me for FEMA assistance...the administrator where I work gave me her stylists name and number as did 2 other people. Excellent.
Once again I'm sayin'...that's why I go to SuperCuts. You can't bitch too much about a $12 haircut. This one set me back 120.00. I should just pull a Britney Spears, shave my head and start over. It's lunch time....I think I'll go hat and scarf shopping.

Playing with light

I love going to the Bellagio when they change the display every season. I only go early in the morning because I love the way the sunlight makes the flowers look like stained glass. I took my mom on Saturday before she went to dialysis and as is usual, I wasn't disappointed. My only wish is that it wouldn't be so crowded...it's hard to try and stoop for a photo with 75 people falling over you.

It's allergy season around here. We all sound like snot factories and the Kleenex folks can thank us for single-handedly keeping them in business. In fact, we did a Costco run today and stocked up on Zyrtec and snot rags. Now we have a plethora of supplies and a lot less money.

I'm sitting here at the dining table typing away and the rest of my family is cleaning up after dinner. Just as it should be. Ha! I think they assume I'm working on a project for the medical school. I don't know what gave them that idea,really I don't :::trying to look innocent::: but nonetheless I think they SHOULD take a turn. I know I've done more than my share of making meals around here for the past 20 plus years. Now if I can just get the weenie dogs to help out. I'm pretty sick of them using the excuse that they have no opposible thumbs. That one's getting reeeealll old.

Another thing that's really starting to get on my last nerve....that horribly stupid, disgusting commercial with the bears and the toilet paper. Who's the marketing genius who came up with that one? Bunch of guys sitting around one day and someone says, "Yeah, well, does a bear shit in the woods?" EUREKA!!! New campaign idea!!! And the latest one...you know you've seen it, the baby bear with the inferior toilet paper sticking to his butt. Please. Oh, and the Viagra commercials that show a million times over the weekend. Yeah, impotent guys...all of 'em...are sitting at home on the weekends watching tv. Hey, I just thought of something...I don't think I've seen a tampon/mini pad/maxi pad/pad with wings/pad without wings/wings without pads/PMS commerical for a long time. It's probably because I don't watch much tv anymore, and usually Scott has it on HBO or History Channel or something so maybe that's why. I haven't missed them. Who would?

Ok...I'm high on allergy medication, what can I say? Plus I lost an hour today. I hate that.

Think I'm gonna go take the dogs on a walk and no, I won't be taking any Charmin with me.

Well...it's Sunday night

And that means....back to work tomorrow!!! I can barely contain myself I'm so excited. :::sarcasm a plenty:::

Why do the weekends pass by so quickly? I don't feel like I got a chance to do much of anything and it was a gorgeous coupla days and the plans and ideas I had in my head were marvelous if not fun-filled. I ended up grocery shopping, cleaning the house, laundry, cooking, driving all over the world, and spending money on crap I didn't need. Oh, and I spent 2 hours getting a crappy virus off of Kristopher's computer. Yea me! I'm sure it would have taken a computer knowledgeable person about 10 minutes but, whatever. Beware.... if a Microsoft looking thingy pops up on your screen and says to download Antivirus 360....doooonnnn't do it. I'm just sayin'.

I need to bake something. Not tonight though, it's too late. I also need to give this blog a face lift but I'm too lazy and maybe it's ADHD or something but I just can't seem to be bothered with instructions as to how to fix this thing up. Indeed I am pathetic. I readily admit it. I'm sure it's not that difficult, but I get easily distracted and/or frustrated. Oh what the hell, I'm going to go read the instructions and hopefully the next time I come back I'll have a fresh new blog.

Happy Valentine's Day

By now I guess everyone has seen either the video or the picture of this poor, sweet little koala from Australia. It made me cry. The wildfire situation in Australia is so devastating and having worked with the American Red Cross after hurricanes Katrina and Rita, I know the need for help is going tobe tremendous. There was just something in the way that poor little koala trusted the fireman that really got to me,so I decided that instead of doing my usual Valentine stuff for my family like going out for dinner and small little gifts, that I would donate to a few of the animal rescue organizations in Australia instead. I have given my "gift" to my family and they loved it. I think we may have just started a new tradition in our family and I only wish we had done this sooner! My heart goes out to the people of Australia and my thoughts are with them.
So, if you're interested in learning more about a few of the wildlife organizations...

http://www.wildlifevictoria.org.au/

or

http://www.rspcavic.org/


Happy Love Day to everyone.

Obsessed? Eehh..maybe for a little bit

A leader I am not. While I'm definitely not a sheep, I still tend to follow a lot of the time. I'd like to think it's more out of curiosity then anything else. So getting "sucked in" (sorry) to the hype around these books and the movie was bound to happen. I had heard all about it and while at the bookstore last week I decided to buy the first book...just to check it out. I mean, it was only 8 bucks, no big deal if it was horrible.
I really LOVED the first book. Read it in record time and went back for the second one. By now I'm having to suffer the looks, head shakes and comments from Kris and Betina. They cannot believe I'm reading something so "childish" and "stupid". Just because they're in to reading all of the works of Carl Sagan and his thoughts on the universe right now doesn't mean I can't enjoy a little mindless reading from time to time.
I'll say it again....I was hooked!!!! Ok, I admit it, I've read all four books in the series in less than a week. Seriously no sleep for me! I kind of lost interest during the third book and thruth be told, I only bought the fourth and final book to finish up the story. I dunno, started out great, and then it was more than I could take. Just dumb.

It's been my escape this week. Mom is out of the hosptial and has stayed with us since Friday night and I needed a little "bubblegum" for the brain. It certainly served it's purpose in that department, that's for sure. Between taking care of her and all the craziness at work it did the trick. I feel much better :) I should read mindless drivel more often. Or maybe I could just get some sleep and have the same effect.

One step back...

I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Sometimes we don't understand why right off the bat, and sometimes I guess we never really understand, but nonetheless, that's pretty much how I roll with life. And so it was that my mom fainted last Friday while in her little kitchen making a grilled cheese sandwich. aawww. Apparently she hit the counter on her way down and came to with a bloody nose. She called Jeff who went over there right away and called her doctor who advised her to go to the ER. Bless his heart, he scooped her right up and away they went. By the time I got there they had done an x-ray and CT-scan of her head. Clearly her nose was broken. She looked like she had been in a bar room brawl. Maybe she had and the grilled cheese story was just a cover for her "other life".
While there it was discovered that her potassium level was quite low. Now, here's where the "things happen for a reason" comes in to play. This was Friday...she was scheduled to go to dialysis on Saturday. Her potassium level was so low that if she had gone, there is a HUGE possibility/probability that she would have become either very ill or had serious cardiac issues. So...she's admitted to the hospital for observation and to get her potassium level back to normal. Fine with me, just make her better. Now here's where the "deja vu" crap comes into play. I'm not sure who ordered the Lasix, but she's peeing like it's her job and all the swelling in her ankles and legs disappears! We're so happy. she's feeling like a million bucks, or at the least a buck-fifty and she tells me she hasn't felt this good in months. I'm over the moon with happiness. SO THEN.....the whack-a-doo nephrologist comes in Sunday morning and tells her he doesn't want her dry weight (after dialysis) to go below 60 kilos and then proceeds to tell her that she now weighs 63 kilos. She questions him, how is this possible when I'm peeing enough to replenish Lake Mead and the swelling has gone down completely? He tells her the fluid has shifted to her lungs and around her heart. Look...my mama is no fool. He leaves, she calls me and I ask her a few simple questions.....are you having difficulty breathing? NO. Are you experiencing any chest discomfort? No. So I tell her I'm on my way up there and in the meantime I want her to ring the little buzzer and tell the CHARGE NURSE that she wants to be reweighed. There is a scale built into the bed (aww, technology) and she knows that no one weighed her during the night because she was up peeing like a race horse. (I never understood what that really means) A slight argument ensues and that causes me to have to call her. She's reweighed and only weighs 57 kilos. Big difference between that and the 63 they claimed she weighed. Something like 12 pounds. So now I'm pissed...again...still. I have Scott call the charge nurse again and tell her to get on the horn to the nephrologist to inform him of this new information so he can cancel the dialysis. All the way to the hospital I'm livid and yelling at poor Scott about this stupid doctor. I mean, c'mon you don't have to have a medical degree or even a GED to figure out that the most simple thing he could have done was A. look at your patient. She's not in distress and with that kind of discrepancy in weight she should have been drowning. B. Simply order another weight. Ta-Da....easy, right? Apparently not.
Let's just say there was another Ruth vs. nursing station smack down and I was victorious.
Mom has since gone through two cardiac caths...the first one was unsuccessful and the one yesterday afternoon seemed to be ok. She is in ICU again for the time being and I just want her to be able to come home. I hate this. While I understand that it's no picnic for her, it's just so hard to sit here and know there's nothing I can do to make her feel better or take away the anxiety she must be feeling. More updates as I get them.

Incredible day

What a wonderful, happy, filled with hope kind of day. While I didn't get to watch the inauguration on tv...damn the blocked computers at work....I was able to read reports and talk to Sara about all the happenings of the day. Sara said it was bitter cold (wind chill of 12) and there were a coupla million people there (no, really, there was) but she said it was awesome. I'm so glad she got to be there...to be a part of history on this fabulous day. What fabulous stories she's going to have for her kids some day! She's going to some inauguaral ball tonight after having one hour of sleep last night and being out in the freezing cold all day. Better her than me, that's all I can say.

And now something totally different

Depression of a ridiculous nature......I am now the depressed/disgusted owner of THREE age spots on my hands. Yep...they're there and I hate them, I don't care how small or light they are. The bastards. As if that isn't depressing enough, I also have noticed a few gray hairs around my temples. Fabulous. Bring it on, old age!!! I've often said that I don't feel like I'm 53 years old. Yeah, I know, I don't act like it either but lately I've been noticing stuff that really ticks me off. Like the way I can't just fly out of the bed in the morning. I resemble the Tin Man before a good dose of grease and I sound like a bowl of Rice Krispies as walk to the bathroom to empty my bladder before it empties itself. Hips locking up, knees cracking, back aching....it's ridiculous.
Then there's the "oh I think I'll get down on my knees to take this photo." Acck...what happened to being able to spring right back up like Tigger??? My spring has obviously sprung. So now I look at those great photo opportunities and just say to myself, "Wow, that WOULD have been a great shot." Of course, who can forget the "aging eyes" as my friend Elizabeth calls them. I can read a street sign a mile away but I can't even read the back of a can of soup without putting on reading glasses. They are a constant on top of my head not to mention that I have about 47 extras all over the house and in my office. You just never know when these Target dollar bin glasses are going to disintegrate so you have to be prepared. Being prepared is NOT to be confused with Preparation H....which can also go along with getting old, but fortunately I haven't had to add that one to my list. Yet.
Yes, I've become more aware of the aging process as of late. Seeing my mother in a hospital bed for weeks really made me think about this almost to the point of obsession. I hate that we have to grow old, I hate that our bodies have to betray us, and I hate all the horrible things that happen and the lonliness that so many of us have to endure during our final days. Ugh. All I can say is I'm going into my older years kicking and screaming...well, maybe not so much kicking cuz I'm afraid of breaking a hip nowadays, but I will certainly be screaming, that's for sure.
I think it's time for my glass of warm milk and then bed....after all, it's 8:00....bedtime for the oldies.

She's going to the inauguration!

I wonder which seat she'll get?   This is just so exciting...or at least it is to us.  A month or so ago Sara wrote a letter to Sen. Harry Reid requesting a ticket to the inauguration.  She didn't hear anything and we all just thought "oh well" better luck next time.  So, a few days ago the Senator pulled 7 names out of a hat from the few thousand who, like Sara, had requested tickets.  Sara was on of the ones chosen!!!  She actually got two tickets and she's taking a friend.  Getting a flight and arranging for a place to stay has been a job and a half, but she's done it...and she leaves in a few days.  She was even interviewed by a local tv station about it.  Pretty cool, huh?   I'm worried about her going of course.  Soooo many stinkin' people going to be there and of course there's always that horrible thought of something bad happening.  (any self-respecting mother would say the same thing)  I just hope she has a wonderful time and comes back with a lot of memories and of course....lots of pictures.

I had a package waiting for me tonight when I got home from work.  That's always fun.  I ordered this "spy lens" for my camera.  It looks pretty cool, but now I'm afaid to use it...afraid I'll have someone smack me upside the head for taking their picture without asking permission.  It attaches to your regular lens and has a hole cut out of the side where a mirror reflects the image.  So while it appears that you're taking a photo in front of you, you can actually turn the lens 360 degrees and capture something you might not have been able to get normally.  I know that sounds totally sick and twisted, but I assure you, it sorta is I guess.  Hmm.  Better rethink this one.

Work is insane right now.  I have 280 patient charts I have to review and organize.  Yeah, all within the next 3 weeks.  Let's just say I start to curse my predecessor all over again and I swear I can't believe how horrible these charts are.  She just basically threw the medical records and anything else that came into the chart and never sifted through any of the millions of papers to see what we really needed and what could be shredded.  Sometimes we'll send for medical records from, say, a cardiologist, and they may send only their reports, but sometimes it's just easier for them if the patient has a lot of records (which most of these kids do) to just copy the whole stinking chart to send to us.  So...we have 2-3 copies of the exact same report.  She never looked at anything and just sort of tossed it in and forgot about it.  Thanks.  I'll be even more insane than I already am by the time this is over.  Count on it.

Happy New Year and Happy Birthday

Hopefully all the bad, horrible, terrible things left with 2008.  So far, (knocking on wood) this year has been uneventful.  Of course, we're only 5 days into this new year, but hells bells, I'll take anything I can.

It's ridiculously cold here tonight...we live in the desert, remember? Anything under 55 is cold. The weenie dogs are all parked in front of the fireplace, we're burning fossil fuel like no other, and we are warm and toasty in our humble abode.  Life looks pretty good right about now.

Tomorrow is my baby girl's birthday.  I wish I could post a baby picture of her but that would mean I would have to haul my butt upstairs to her photo albums, choose a picture, plug the scanner in....well, you get the idea.  Sara, I love you, but I just can't motivate myself to get up off my cozy, warmed by the fireplace couch, and do that.  

Happy Birthday my incredible daughter!!  You are (as always) the warm spot in my heart and I thank you for the most breathtaking 25 years of my life. 

Honey Mommy

Not really a year in review, but...

I know this is old news, but I just got these photos off my camera and thought I would share a little Las Vegas history making snow with you. This is what our street looked like at 6pm. I know these aren't the best quality photos around, but I was didn't use my tripod, didn't want to use a flash and so this is about as good as it gets. I have never seen this much snow since I've lived here. It was amazing!!!!!

Betina took this shot out the window as we were leaving my mom's apartment. We were just freaking out at the sight of so much snow...and also because the road was very slick and we had already watched a guy take out a lamp post.

This is the gate in front of our house. The snow made it look all winter wonder like...and more like Christmas.

this is the view from our front yard. We were more lucky than a lot of our neighbors. The snow was so wet and heavy that tree limbs snapped all around our neighborhood. Most of the desert trees were damaged. We lucked out. No real damage to our plants cuz I shook the snow off as best I could. Our dogs had the time of their little wiener dog lives playing in the snow and then had to be warmed up by the fire afterwards. I think that is my favorite memory of this Christmas.

Back to work today. Let me just tell you how fun it is to go to work and have no heat in the entire building. It was 47 degrees out when I left the house this morning and I think it was a balmy 52 in my office. Yeah. Thankfully I wore my heavy coat to work. I had that sucker zipped up, pulled the hood up over my head and wished I had worn heavier socks and something other than polyester pants. bbbrrrrr! I loaned Laura my gloves cuz the poor thing couldn't write phone messages due to frost bite on her hands. It was insane. I may ta ke our little space heater tomorrow just in case. Or just not go. I'm kidding.

Mom is spending her first night alone in her apartment in a very long time. I'm nervous, but she did so well yesterday and today I think she'll be fine. I think the poor thing is in dire need of some peace and quiet. Our house at Christmas is basically a free for all. People coming and going...phones ringing...noise...3 dogs...friends....baking...eating....pretty much the usual stuff for a family during the holidays.

Scott's dad is in the hospital. I swear, this has been a horrible couple of months. He fell going up the steps to their house last night and whacked his head pretty hard. They want to keep him for observation and to run a few tests to see why his legs are so weak. My sister-in-laws dad is still in the hospital, and I just found out this afternoon that my other sister-in-law (my brother's wife) is having to go visit her sister for the last time. Her sister has cancer and we thought she had a few more months to live, but it looks like it's going to be much sooner.

I don't want to dwell on the sadness...I'd much rather think about wonderful, happy memories that bring a smile to my face. There's far too much misery in the world and while I don't want to hide my head in the sand and pretend it doesn't exist....I just need a little reprieve. I'm a tad bit frazzled and fragile right now.

So with that... I'm off to devour a couple million little Mexican wedding cookies that I made last night before Sara left to go back home. (sadness) No one can be unhappy with Mexican wedding cookies around.

Happy Day After Merry Christmas

I'm offering this cute little Christmasy/winter photo instead of one from our Christmas morning cuz everyone has 'bed head' and I don't think they would appreciate having that out there. Just picture lots of people and three dogs sitting around opening presents and wrapping paper flying...there, that was our Christmas.

Things didn't start off so fabulous. On Christmas Eve mom had to go for her scheduled dialysis. I got a phone call from one of the nurses telling me her hemoglobin was extremely low and that she needed a blood transfusion. Oh, ok. I'll just run her down to the nearest blood bank and do that. Getting any information from her that I could actually use was next to impossible. Some 'infusion center' wasn't answering their phone so she told me I needed to take her to the ER. Sure, just show up, tell them, "Hi, my mom's hemoglobin is really low and she needs a blood transfusion." Well, basically that's what I ended up doing. The stupid doctor wouldn't even call the ER and tell them she was coming in. Naturally, they don't do blood transfusions on a regular basis in the ER so she was admitted. When we walked into the ER all I had was a copy of her lab results. Oh, and when I told the nurse at the dialysis center that I was concerned about her having to sit in the waiting room of the ER all day, she actually told me I should tell them mom was having chest pain. WHAAATTTT????? Yeah, I'm going to lie about it....make them waste their time on tests and consultations that aren't necessary...not to mention make it look like mom is experiencing symptoms she's not. Gawd....I am still not believing our medical system. Oh, and P.S. she STILL hasn't seen her kidney specialist. I've called that freaking office 3 times for an appointment and I've been told every time that they don't have her discharge summary from the hospital and I will receive a call as soon as it comes in.

Mom was admitted to the hospital for her blood transfusion and naturally she was very upset that she wasn't going to be home for Christmas Eve. I reminded her that everyone else who was admitted wasn't spending Christmas Eve with their families either. It seemed to help a little bit. Sara's flight was delayed coming in but she got here safe and sound. It was so good to get her home.

Christmas morning we weren't sure how long it was going to be until mom was discharged from the hospital and so we waited around to hear from the doctor after he/she made rounds. Opening presents would have to wait.

It seemed like everyone we talked to was having a not so merry Christmas. One of Sara's roommates was supposed to drive from Reno to Sacramento with one of the dogs to spend Christmas with her family. The weather was so bad, and there was so much snow that she didn't think she was going to be able to go. She was all alone Christmas morning...but eventually she was able to make the trip . Then Sara got word that her other dog who was spending Christmas with the previous owner, killed one of the dogs. Yeah, Merry Christmas, your dog is dead. While no one saw or heard anything, the poor little dog was found dead out in the backyard. Now, it was old so it could have had a stroke or a heart attack, but I find it very unlikely since this is the same dog that attacked Charlie when Sara was here earlier this year. THEN...we found out that my sister-in-laws father had a heart attack and was in the hospital. He's been in failing health for quite some time, but still....

We decided to open presents to distract us from all the craziness. It was so fun to watch the kids open all their presents. I don't care if they are all grown up, I love it. They had a blast, and I think we even surprised them with a few of the gifts they received. Laughs, smiles, and happiness were in order and let me tell you, it felt great. It really did.

The kids and I went up to the hospital to see mom while Scott started making Christmas dinner. By the time we got to the hospital, the doctor had come and gone, saying she could go home. Fabulous. We just had to wait for the nurse to do all the paperwork and she was ours.

Scott made a fabulous dinner...and I do mean fabulous. Everyone agreed it was the best Christmas dinner ever. Beef tenderloin, glazed carrots, roasted potatoes, delicious salad, rolls, and pumpkin pie. Well, he didn't make the pie, but he did everything else and we had such a great time together. I just wish we could all be together more often. It did my heart good to see all my kids together and to have mom home.

Today is dialysis and a doctor's appointment. It's ridiculously cold and windy outside and I don't have any plans to do any After Christmas shopping so I'll be staying indoors as much as possible. I have a ham in the oven right now (gift from someone) so we can munch on that the rest of the day...and I need to hook up my brand new Canon Scanner that Scott gave me. I'm pretty jazzed about that. He also gave me a cooler for my laptop and I absolutely LOVE it.
Time to brush the glaze on the ham. Later.

the eve of Christmas Eve

it's 3am...I'm awake....I've been awake for over two hours. Between Scott's snoring and getting my mom some ice chips, rearranging her on the couch and giving her another dose of Ambien...yeah, I'm awake.

I pretty much finished my Christmas shopping today. I was amazed at how few people were actually out there shopping. I barely had to wait in any lines and I didn't have any trouble finding what I wanted. Scott took mom to dialysis and Jeff picked her up so that gave me the better part of the day to run my errands. It felt good to be able to get out not worry about time.

Personally, I'll be glad when Christmas is over. I can't believe I'm saying that. I look forward to Christmas every year but this year has been more of a burden than a joy. Our tree is dead...and it really could be getting close to being a fire hazard. Well, maybe it's not that bad but I do know it's coming down the day after Christmas. It's an absolutely beautiful tree and I was hoping to get some nice photos of it all decorated but I think that time has passed.

We never got the house fully decorated on the inside. I just gave up and put it all back in the garage. There are only so many hours in the day and frankly, I'm just to tired to even care.

My baking is off this year. I have been making my sugar cookies for over 20 years and this is the first time EVER that they flopped. Guess I won't be putting those in the gift baskets I have to give to my co-workers later today. My boss is having her annual "mother daughter tea" at 4 today. I had all these wonderful plans to take this beautiful assortment of lovely homemade goodies all packaged and festively decorated. Not happening. Oh, I made a few things that actually turned out, but everything is going to be on a much smaller scale.

I'm slowing down as of today. I'm not worrying about baking another damn cookie, or anything else. I have presents to wrap and the past three weeks that my mom has been home have been brutal 15+ hours a day for me. I'm going to wrap presents while watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and the only other plan I have is to get Sara from the airport on Wednesday and watch her and Betina make gingerbread houses. Pictures will certainly follow.

I'm going to go back in the other room now and see if the Ambien kicked in and hopefully she is sound asleep. I need to try to go back to bed or find a spot on a couch somewhere to curl up.

Overwhelmed

That's how I'm feeling these days. My life is not my own. Mom isn't sleeping in her bed...said she can't breathe but I have a feeling (as does her home health care nurse) that it's more that she's afraid because it was night time and she was alone when she had the heart attack and no one would come in to help her.
So, I figured she could sleep at my house as well as her apartment in a recliner/rocker and that would free me up to do things at home while she is there. She liked that idea and tonight will be her third night there. While it's nice to have her home and with people who love her...I am exhausted beyond anything I could ever have imagined. She doesn't sleep through the night so I'm up with her 4-5 times a night and I'm sleeping on our couch in the family room so I can be right there if she needs anything. Honestly, I don't know how long I can keep this up.
My kids have helped sooo much...and I know they would stay with her during the night, but I know that teenagers sleep so soundly I would worry that they wouldn't wake up to hear her. So now I am beginning to think that my only option is to hire someone to stay with her during the night so I can work during the day. Having someone while I'm at work is great, but at the same time that leaves me to go to work all day and then take care of her all night. It's just too much.
This was my schedule for yesterday:

Wake up and decide to get up at 5
Take mom to the bathroom
Get ready for work
Get mom's medication
Fix mom breakfast
Take mom to her apartment for her home health care visit (friend sat with her)
Go to work
Leave work early to relieve friend
Wash mom's laundry
Run the vacuum cleaner
Check mom's blood sugar
Fix her some dinner
Meet with physical therapist
Load wheelchair and walker in my car
Take mom over to my house
Take Betina to photo supply store for school supplies
Drop Betina off at home and go to grocery store
Fix mom her evening snack
Make dough for rolls (for pot luck at work)
Give mom her nighttime medications
Settle her in for sleep
Finally got to sit down at about 9:45pm

Up by 4 this morning to take her to the bathroom. That's after she was up 3 times during the night.

This is soo not going to work. I spoke with a few of the ladies I work with who are very knowledgeable in families with long term care issues and they all said I need to get some outside help on a temporary basis...before I crash and burn. So...that's one more thing to add to my "to do" list.

It's just so hard. So hard to try and act like I'm all fine and that this isn't such a big deal when in reality I'm having such a tough time keeping it together. If I had not had all this going on now for over a month, been able to get some quality sleep, maybe I would be handling this a little better.
It isn't that I don't want to help her, because I do. I feel so bad for her. It must be terrible to know that your very existence depends on someone else. This is not her fault...this is nothing she did. So, like thousands of other families around the world I'm learning, and I'm doing what I can and I'm making adjustments.
What else can I do?